So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
