she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
