Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
