rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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