I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
