Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
