great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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