Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
