Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
