Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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