...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
