Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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