I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
look no pants
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
