i can't believe i had my finger in that
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
