At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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