You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
