New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
