fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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