Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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