dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
