Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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