He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
