I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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