no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
