My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
