he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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