I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
