Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
