Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Shame - the story of my life.
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