Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
