Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
