no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
