My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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