guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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