I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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