I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
