Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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