Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
