I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
