She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
