you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
