I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
