Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
