My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
