saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
