hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
