A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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