oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her vagine was all disorganized.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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