You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
