There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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