10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
