Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
