My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
