I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
