3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
