The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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