Just fell off a train. Bad.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
