Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
