areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we should paint friendship bongs
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