So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
