just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
