Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
