Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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