K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
