I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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