just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
