everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize