I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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